maybe if
I’d let you hold me longer
and love me harder
then all the broken pieces of me
would snap right back into place
but they never did

maybe if
I’d grabbed on to the lifeboats
when i was drowning
instead of calling on you
amidst futile gasps of air
and clutching onto any floating debris
then i wouldn’t have sunk
into the deep in the tempest

i tried to close my eyes
for the longest
even though
the sleep already grew weary
“maybe I’ll get to see the end of this dream”
but sunrise came
and the sun rays lingered
you were already gone
by morning

just another ghost
set to haunt me again and again.

and finally,
i like to think that i was too much for you
and my apologies run deep as the ocean that i am

the ocean harbours shipwrecks
tumultuous storms
trenches galore
lost cities with treasures,
dreams and secrets untold
winds that destroy
and beasts that devour;
awe-inspiring views,
waters that heal
a breeze that soothes

they say “you can only meet someone as deeply as they’ve met themselves”
but you are just a pond
barely knee deep
toads on glistening lilly pads
and algae is all that will ever grow
stillness is all you will ever know
and this beauty doesn’t take away from mine
neither does mine from yours

but with great overwhelming fear
you look at the ocean
it’s uncanny, vast and overwhelming,
you don’t know what to do with it
or where to even start

this difference that stood between us
the jigsaw edges that couldn’t fit
the tugging thread
that caused the garment to fall apart
at the hem

so yes, indeed i am too much
but because we weren’t of the same kind.